From the Main Supplier
Is it true Jonners is producing a few grapes? The boys at Mersea Island Vineyard won't be happy! However, if he's looking for a wholesaler........
From Paul Johnson
I feel compelled to email to say a a huge thank you to so many of your members for all of their kind words and sympathy following my recent short, but painful, health issues. The cream has now worked miracles and I am thankfully fit to play at the weekend. The rubber ring has been deflated but is available to any one with a similar complaint. Many thanks to you all (except Stockbridge). [I understand that a half tube of Anusol Super Plus is available cheaply to any member that might need it - Ed]
From The Chairman
I noted with interest on Quick Singles that Wardy said his weight dropped dramatically from 5lb 2oz to 4lbs when he was but a wee nostril. Under normal circumstances this may be worrying for a baby. However, surely the midwife would have explained that the young Ward had simply blown his nose. [You have to pity Wardy's poor mother. Having to cope with that elongated hooter emerging from her Netherlands must have bought tears to her eyes! - Ed]
From Paul Johnson
It is so good to see Kemsley Robb back playing cricket for us after his recent poor health. I think he may have achieved something unique already this season, despite missing the vast majority of it. After his ton yesterday he has now scored a hundred for the 1st XI, 2nd XI and 3rd XI this season. Has this ever been done before? [I think Tom Hills has achived this but probably not in the same season - Ed].
From Neil
Sadly the Whalebone's final game of the season was a non-event after the oppositon couldn't muster a side. This denied the team the opportunity of giving retiring skipper Paul Da Vino an appropriate send-off. I am sure I speak for all squad members when I wish him well with his new hobby of stamp collecting.
From Colin
Yet again there are no weekend match reports published. Whilst maybe not the most interesting page on the website is one of the only pages devoted totally to cricket! Please, Mr Editor, exert you charm and put this right.
From Neil O'Neil
Hold your horses, shut the gate and bolt the door. As a 'Bone regular I am almost sure that, according to our written constitution, any resignation from within the upper levels of this great pub team must be made at the AGM and may be refused by members by a simple show of hands. I for one believe that there is unfinished business for Mr Wine and don't for one minute believe that any one else associated with The 'Bone is remotely stupid enough to let the one bloke capable of getting the side out to leave! Imagine a team run by Le Ford or Sparky? Doesn't even bare [I think he means bear - Ed] thinking about.
From Old Neil
One legacy of the great man not metioned in your report of Da Vino's retirement was his introduction of overseas players to the Whalebone side. At the time, there was much opposition to this radical idea from the old duffers on the Committee, particularly 'hall of famer' and President of Vice John Everett. However, Da Vino's theory was to have an unflappable, hardworking and resolute Fingringhoe spine to the side and supplement this with the flair and panache of players from more exotic climes. The plan worked brilliantly and my fellow 'Boners and I were privileged to watch such greats as Kemmy van der Bokke, Tamera "airy" Downbellowa, Carrum Orangebackyard, Andrew 'Mad Jock' McLockyer and Neil 'Aberdeen Angus' Gordon. True genious! He will be sorely missed.
From Neil
Some people are under the impression that the 'Neil' e-mails are fictitious and the 'family' don't exist. This monstrous slur has caused so much upset to my relatives that I feel compelled to set the record straight.
I am 'Neil' obviously, my beloved pappy is 'Old Neil', my son is 'Neil Neilsson' from a brief relationship I had with a girl in Reykavik, my Ulster cousin is 'Neil O'Neil' and 'Neil McNeil' is my second cousin once removed from Inverness. There, I hope that's clarified the family tree for you Sparky. Hang on a minute, who the f**k is 'The Real Neil'?
From Andy
Congratulations on your 500,000th visitor, that's really good going in just over a year. You keep me entertained and I would welcome a greater number of disparaging articles about West Mersea!
From Lars Polgren, Fredrikstad, Norvege
I am being your special website visitor and have come here many times. I know not much about cricket [you would be at home here in Abberton then - Ed] but enjoy you learning me English.
From the one and only 'Sausage Boy' Sawdon
You all better be happy!
I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends I must not be grumpy whilst playing cricket with my friends. [Is that really 50? I think he cheated! - Ed]
