From Kevin Hewes, Captain, West Mersea CC
Please can you pass on best wishes to John Everett from everybody at West Mersea CC for a speedy recovery.
From Cecil B Ardfekker, President, Looney Tunes Inc
Concluding my visit to England I took in one of your quaint little cricket matches at The Brow last night. I'm sure your Whalebone team had one of our cartoon characters, a certain Foghorn Leghorn, playing for them. It was certainly a large chicken of some description anyway! If it was said rooster then you guys are in deep s**t as he is contracted to us alone
From John Ners
As a lifelong 'boner', I took my family along to the game last night having purchased a family ticket for the new Ray Clay Family Enclosure. The whole stand was an absolute disgrace: seats and benches missing, upside down or in a terrible state of disrepair. The whole fiasco reflects badly on the ADCC committee and the memory of this stalwart of local cricket.
From John Ward, Unofficial Carer to John Everett
I would just like to thank the West Mersea Captain for his kind comments regarding John Everett and inform him that John's surgery has been successful and hopefully he will soon be frequenting his favourite haunts on the Island. Also I would like to wish his club all the very best for the rest of the season.
From Neil (re The 5 Run Challenge)
I understand that Paul Le Ford has already completed this task and it took him four innings spread over a five week period, is he in the lead?
From PLF
Following Wednesday's game it is obvious that our batsmen's little idiosyncrasies should be encouraged rather than punished as some have suggested. Porky's scintillating 21 came after many an hour trimming Vicky's privet and the skippers blistering 27 of 13 balls was surely a direct result of downing half a crate of Corona! For the next match, let's furnish them with a very thick bush and a full barrel respectively and watch the records tumble!
One small problem: what the hell do we give Lockyer to get his a**e into gear?
Answers on a postcard, e-mail etc.
From Kieran
Having already completed the 5 run challenge with Torv, may I suggest a calendar may be a more appropriate method to time, rather than a stopwatch! [That prospect had already been aired - Ed].
From Colin
I hope that you have considered the serious health and safety implications of staging a 5 Run Challenge at ADCC. For some, this will be a marathon-like event and the participants will be entering unchartered waters very early on in their attempt. Efforts to gain life assurance will be serverely impacted if they try and get cover. Whilst this initiative might bring about a welcome cull of the club's lardarse fraternity, burial plans should be formulated in advance.
From Paul Da Vino
Just to confirm the Whalebone CC Disciplinary Committee will be in session from 5pm today. Those called as witnesses and the accused should present themselves at the brow for 4.30pm. There is one case to be heard: namely that, one Paul Le Ford, did willfully bring the club into disrepute by his petulant behaviour, fowl and abusive language and gross impersonation of a large cartoon rooster against ADCC colts on 16 July. Article 4, subsection 3b, paragraph 6 of the club's rules and regulations clearly states that no player, once selected to play, should then proceed to mimic the actions of any type of foul (cartoon or otherwise). The hearing should last no more than half an hour and therefore should cause minimum disruption to 1st X1 training. Thanking you in advance for your cooperation.
From Abe Cohen, Agent to Miss Moira Stuart, 15 Denmark Street, London W1
Can I just say that my client looks nothing like that doopy, spotty little chav that sometimes plays for your 4th XI. This is a gross slur on her good name and character and I would ask you to remove her picture from your Lookalikes page forthwith. Failure to comply with this request within 48 hours will result in immediate legal proceedings.
From Will (re The 5 Run Challenge)
There aren't many of you at Abberton that could run five runs in an afternoon let alone in a single attempt. Compulsive TV viewing in my opinion!
From Neil McNeil
Its looks as though 'Mincer' Le Ford will be convicted by Welton's 'Kangaroo Court' for little more than whining about a sore hand. After Sunday's apparent shenanigans in the 3rd XI, its time that the club imposed stiff sentences for these grizzling prima donnas.
From Johnny
It will take more than Lady Cava-Paget's diet to shrink the whale wicket-keeper down to size!!! [Don't tempt her, please - Ed].
From Paul Johnson
As you may be aware two of our players are facing major surgery in the next few days. Kemsley Robb goes under the knife today (Friday) at Broomfield for an operation that will hopefully resolve the health issues that have plagued him over the past few months. Ian Collett is also visiting the surgeon at Barts in London early next week. I am sure I speak for all of us at ADCC when we wish them both successful surgery and a very speedy recovery. Looking forward to buying them both a beer in the weeks to come. [I thought this was a serious e-mail until I read the last line - Ed].
From Mrs Welton
I see you whimps have bottled out of making a tough decision yet again. What amounts to a single game suspension for Le Ford after such a disgraceful act of cowardice proves you lot just don't thave the stomach for reaching the right deciions. I would have banned him for life...........and then shot him!!
