TRANSFER SHOCK AS McLOCKYER JUMPS SHIP [11/07/08 09:42:50]

The quiet, traditional world that is Fingringhoe cricket was shaken to the core last night when it emerged that Andy 'Mad Jock' McLockyer, captain of ADCC 6th XI and Whalebone Director of Cricket was to leave both clubs with immediate effect and sign a three year contract with local rivals MCTC!

A subdued and somewhat sheepish Lockyer (pictured right) told a packed press conference in the Lord Nelson snug: "I've taken both clubs as far as I can go. I'm relishing the new challenges awaiting me at the MCTC".

His new skipper, Steve 'The Major' Higgs, sitting alongside him, added: "Andy's a great signing for the club. We're losing the 'Rhodesian Ridgeback' shortly and Andy will slot into his place as the team's all-rounder. It should be a seamless transition."

Reaction at The Brow was somewhat more derogatory. Head of Security John Stockbridge (69) commented: "I always said Lockyer was a two-faced b***ard. Good riddance to the c**t, he was f**ing useless anyway."

Treasurer John Everett was quick to highlight the financial implications: "We will obviously be looking for substantial compensation from the Army and if Lockyer thinks he's getting a rebate on his subs, he can bloody well think again!"

Beleagured Whalebone skipper Paul Da Vino commented, "I'm just saddened by the whole sordid episode. Andy was with us through the good times, basking in all the glory of three successful campaigns. Now, as soon as times get hard and we're struggling he decides to jump ship. I'm very dissappointed and what about Mrs Welton's sockets!? I might even have to recall the Buffoon-Johnson for the Wednesday game against Langenhoe Primary." His statement was cut short as his mobile rung at that point, revealing the Twitchers' Corner free 'Pigeon' download that he had recently acquired form the website.