MISERABLE RETURN ON EBAY SALE [27/05/08 09:06:37]

The club has failed to net the anticipated four figure transfer fee after it listed star all-rounder Andy Lockyer on eBay in an attempt to generate revenue. Despite considerable interest and a wide range of questions submitted by supposedly interested parties, the auction closed on Friday with the bidding only having reached a paltry £1 (see below).

Treasurer John Everett was devastated, "This is a very disappointing outcome indeed. After deducting listing fees and commission, the club will be lucky to receive more than 15p." He went on, "Costs are escalating and it is vital that we are able to attract new funds. We hoped the the sale of Andy would have given us a lucrative windfall."

Head of Security John Stockbridge (68) said, "Its a f***ing shame. Andy is a great bloke and, like myself, is a highly talented performer. He is a lot better that some of the other w***ers we have here. £1 is a f***ing joke."

Lockyer was won by local lady Karen Johnson. She was unavailable to comment this morning on what plans she has for the man who faces the axe from the Whalebone's team at MCTC tonight after a string of batting failures. The website understands that gifted overseas star Paul 'Jose' Le Ford is ready to step up and bat in the top four.

A local celebrity known only as 'Neil' commented, "What did you expect, he's f***ing c**p!".