From The 5 o'clock club

We are very pleased to be able to offer Mtr Woodrow ChiChi for an afternoon and would also like to offer him a choice of some of the other fauna we have available at ADCC. We have a weasel, a hairy armadillo, several sloths, a hippo, a variety of dogs, a baboon, a pair of Kiwis, an african hunting dog as well as several species of snake (some longer than others) and one highly venemous viper. Should he wish to take advantage of our offer he just needs to drop us an email and we will arrange delivery to his school free of charge.

From Neil

Another two weeks has gone by and the hopeless t**t Lockyer has managed only a single fixture. How long are we going to let him f***y about before we give the job to someone who will get it done?

From the real Neil

Further to Mr Johnson's ramblings regarding Wednesday evening; what the devil was our illustrious Whalebone captain thinking with his attire? For a moment it looked like P Diddy had arrived,=; he'll be wearing a hoodie next and getting down, innit ...

From Anon

As one of the opposition on Wednesday (v St Peters House) I must firstly say how disappointing I found your overall standard of play. However, the one shining light was a guy who batted quite late in your innings but whose ability was obvious from the very first ball he faced. I don't know who he was but he seemed to be sponsored by Hero Honda, a shrewd investment on their behalf I think. Why oh why did he bat so low, below a couple of duffers who didnt seem to know either which end of the bat to hold or indeed which end they were supposed to be running to!!

From Anon

Is it true we have a new sponsor at the club looking to sponsor the players bats by just having the compnay name name on the back of the bat.

From Mrs Sparky

When will Neil be man enough to show up and speak to my husband as he is starting to take it all to heart? Come on Neil, be a real man and speak to him over a beer or two.

From Paul Welton, Captain, Whalebone CC

To 'the real Neil': will number 11 and third man for both ends suit you?

From Richard

I have seen it all now. Abberton advertising their best players on eBay. Brilliant! Just how much would John Ward have fetched in his heyday?

From John Stockbridge, Head of Security

I would just like to say how thrilled I was to see that the club has taken its first step up the social ladder. Whilst popping in for a swift half last Thursday, I noticed Mr and Mrs Paget Cava-sipping their favourite tipple at the bar from fluted champagne glasses! This is so much nicer than the bottle/beer swilling regulars one normally associates with The Brow. Keep up the good work.

From Anon

I would just like to congratulate Charlie on his excellent choice of victim. If more of the members of ADCC would take a similar stand so much the better.