STOCKBRIDGE BACK IN CONTENTION AT EASTLANDS [05/05/08 07:33:22]

The turmoil surrounding the managership of Premiership side Manchester City looks set to impinge on Abberton's cricket season for second summer after it was revealed last night that Head of Security John Stockbridge (68) has emerged as one of the favourites to succeed Sven-Goran Eriksson (top right) who look sure to be axed in the coming weeks.

Owner of the Eastlands outfit, former Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra, refused to discount the appointment of Stockbridge and said "John is one of a number of experienced professionals that we are considering. He has a strong character and is extremely fit for a man of his age."

Stockbridge (middle right) lost out last July to the ex-England boss Eriksson shortly after Shinawatra's successful takeover and was bitter in the way he was treated. "I drove up their twice for interviews and the tight f***ers didn't even pay my petrol" he raged.

However, after a decent start to the campaign, the Swede was powerless to stop City's slide down the table and well out of contention for a European place. Stockbridge can lay claims to be being a seasoned campainger on the contintent as he often took his white van on the ferry to Calais to fill up with contraband tobacco and alcohol.

The other favourite for the job is Luiz Felipe Scolari (below right) who was also courted for the England job last year. He is hugely experienced in the internAtional football arena having had many high profile roles including coaching the Brazil and Portugal national teams.

A defiant Stockbridge doesn't see Scolari as a threat however and last night described him as "an old bald c***t who smokes and drinks heavily and can hardly speak English." Clearly there are some similarities then between the two frontrunners but, if Stockbridge was successful this time around, ADCC would be plunged into an urgent need to replace the security chief who was recently granted new powers in an attempt to reduce crime at The Brow.

There will be many in the village that will welcome the departure of Stockbridge whose record of preventing crime can only be described as poor. A senior official who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals commented "His ineptitude has gone on too long. The people involved with this great club deserve better than him, he is a total k**b. It is about time that of those fine fellows from Fingringhoe was given the chance to show what they can do."