SHOCK LEGAL SETTLEMENT ANNOUNCED [01/05/08 16:53:55]
In a remarkable volte face, a smiling Mrs Welton told a packed news conference in the snug bar of the Lord Nelson this morning that, in the true spirit of reconciliation and her devition to supporting local cricket, she is calling off her legal action against the former Alresford City right winger, Mr John Everett (pictured right) and various members of the 'five o'clock club'.
Her dubious legal counsel, John Stockbridge (BA (Hons) (Monkwick) LLB) said "This is a f***g great deal for my client" after an agreement had been thrashed out at a meeting which had lasted until the early hours of this morning "with those other w***ers".
Perched on top of a cabbage crate and reeking of stale Bacardi, Stockbridge (68) told the gathered hacks that, in return for dropping the case, Mrs Welton had been promised an invitation for her and her husband to the Webmeister's 50th birthday bash. Also included in the secret settlement was an 'all expenses paid' trip to Moscow for her hubby to see his beloved Red Devils win the Champions League final courtesy of the said Mr J A Everett who, perhaps surprisingly, also acts as the Treasurer of ADCC.
Stockbridge added, "If the dopey old t**t can pay for all and sundry to arse about with dolphins, then he can sure as hell pay for that nice Mr Welton to go to Russia!". Also rumoured to be part of the deal is a free secure parking bay at the Witts End NCP and a complimenary service by the club electrician.
Although on the face of it the whole sorry saga appears costly to the club, senior officials at The Brow will be breathing a collective sigh of relief that they can start the season without the prospect of prolonged litigation taking attention away from the cricket. Neither Everett (sleeping after a large lunch) nor the club's retained legal team at Hampton, Pratt & Dick were available for comment this afternoon.
On a more positive note, ADCC's self-appointed Sponsorship Director Paul 'Pills' Johnson is set to announce a tie-up with a large multinational electrical plc based in Fingringhoe. Watch this space!
This report was brought to you by The Fingringhoe Newshound
