MOUNTIES SEARCH FOR DA VINO [03/04/08 15:22:16]
In a worrying pre-season escalation of organised crime at The Brow, the normal menu of traffic offences and contraventions of anti-smoking legisltion have almost paled into insignifiance following two 'white collar' crimes commited in the last few days.
British Police have confirmed that a Fingringhoe man, believed to be respected businessman Paul Da Vino, is wanted for questionning in connection with two financial indiscretions that have angered Treasurer John Everett.
Border control officials at London's Gatwick airport can prove that Da Vino left British jurisdiction yesterday lunchtime despite the authorities being aware that he was suspect in two separate cases of fraud. It is thought that he disguised his appearance by wearing an 'almost bald' wig and concealing a beach ball under his jumper.
The first act of criminality concerns the import of clothing from a third world country involving Callum Appleyard, the Melbourne resident who spent three season at the club before returning home last September. It is understood that Appleyard will also be held if he re-enters the UK for supplying products of an inferior quality.
However, far more serious is a foreign exchange transaction which appeared on the bank statement of a wealthy club official who asked not be identified. It is alleged that Da Vino obtained a substantial supply of Canadian dollars by false pretences.
The prospects of bringing Da Vino to justice quickly are not enormous. Captain Roscoe Q Spankworthy of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (pictured right) did not hold out much hope of locating Da Vino. "We have a darned big country out here ya know" he explained to the website and went on as he calmly sipped an ice cold can of Kokanee, "We are very busy people. We can't waste all day looking for a old, fat guy in the mountains."
Reaction at The Brow was fairly subdued. The 'victim' spent the evening complaining to anybody who was silly enough to listen and indeed those that clearly were not.
Overseas star Paul Le Ford said that it was "absolutely disgusting" and described Da Vino's behaviour as "an appalling display of dishonesty".
Barry Ball felt that a custodial sentence is certainly warranted and Head of Security John Stockbridge (68) was even more outspoken when he raged, "Its a f***ing disgrace. Yes, I know that bearded old c**t has got so much money that he won't miss it, but its not the point. I always knew that Da Vino was a wrong'un; he never buys the f***ing lunch when we go down the Plough!". However, loyal friend of Da Vino, Andy Lockyer, labelled the allegations "utter rubbish" and felt that there was sinister plot at hand to appoint a new main supplier to the club.
