HIGH WINDS BATTER THE BROW [02/03/08 09:33:58]

More than twenty four hours of high winds have battered The Brow since Friday evening resulting in damage to roof tiles and the 'relocation' of Council waste receptacles.

Local resident Cyril Knobsworthy narrowly escaped serious injury when a dustbin lid flew through the air almost decaqpitating him as he tended his creeping bandas.

Always one to take advantage of a situation, former Deputy Assistant Groundsman John Everett seized the opportunjity to indulge in some sailboard practice by utilising the club's sightscreen. His effort ended in near-disaster (see picture right) when he all but colloided with a Corporation bus journeying along Abberton Road.

Head of Security John Stockbridge (68) surveyed the scene this morning and tut-tutted with annoyance as he exsclaimed, "That f***ing old c**t has been up to it again, damaging club property in what amounts to nothing less than a mindless act of vandalism. This time he has gone too far and I will be submitting a full report to the Committee. Its time he acted his age."