MYSTERY VIRUS STRIKES DOWN TREASURER [08/11/07 19:24:44]

Popular ADCC Treasurer John Everett was this week struck down with a mystery virus which subjected him to continual involuntary bowel evacuation and threatens his attendance at the forthcoming Dinner and Dance. Everett (pictured above right), who declined to be interviewed on the subject did say that that his involvement was “crucial to the smoothrunning of the event” commenting further that “the idiots are bound to f***it up if I can’t get there.”

The cause of the virus has not been ascertained but our undercover reporters have revealed that it may be a deliberate ploy by some social members of the club to keep him away from the event. It is understood that part of the plan was to invite him to Sunday lunch and poison him. The host in question refuted claims saying that the cooking was no worse on this occasion to that of any other Sunday and that Everett must have a weak (albeit very large) stomach.

The portly Wits End resident has barely been seen this week after being confined to bed in order that he should not be far from the porcelain (shown below right). He even withdrew from snooker and pool engagements due to the bug which he claimed was so debilitating that he was unable to mow his grass.

Concerned neighbours have tried to offer help whenever they can but the site of the ailing sexagenarian in his Y-fronts is not for the faint-hearted. Club Head of Security John Stockbridge (68) played down worries by stating “the fat b***ard can do with losing a few stone and if he doesn’t go to the dinner, then who cares”. Very charitable indeed.