EVERETT CASTLE ROPED OFF BY SCIENTISTS [06/10/07 09:24:29]

Government scientists investigating the mistaken case of a Blue Tongue outbreak at The Brow have discovered traces of an even more deadly strain of the disease known as Brown Tongue which is prevalent in humans, mainly males in the 65-70 age group.

Thye have taken the immediate precaution of roping off the affected property around Everett Castle and have imposed movement restrictions on humans, beasts and vehicles, preventing them from entering or leaving the affected area.

Little is known about Brown Tongue, but the government agency DEFRA are taking no risks as the condition is believed to be incurable. The main symptoms are a loss of focus, rambling speech, general cussedness and a desire to wander around in the open semi-naked.

In severe cases, sufferers have been known to lose the ability to maneouvre vehicles safely, becoming particularly unaware of other parked cars when reversing, often ignoring their parking sensors.

The club's Head of Security, John Stockbridge (68, pictured right on duty at a recent social function) has been contacted but was today unavailable for comment. It was believed that he was positioned in front of a mirror anxiously surveying his tongue.