GROUNDSMAN IN ASBO THREAT [10/08/07 04:56:31]
Club officials today refused to confirm or deny reports that Treasurer and Deputy Assistant Junior Groundsman John Everett has been threatened with an Anti-Social Behaviour Order, commonly known as an ASBO, after police and council administrators have been inundated with complaints from local residents following his early morning activities.
Despite the club’s own Code of Conduct, which clearly states the policy for the operation of heavy machinery at The Brow, a defiant Everett insists on a behavioural pattern liable to cause a breach of the peace and destroy what have been hitherto excellent relationships with ADCC’s neighbours.
One distressed lady, who wishes to remain unnamed for fear of reprisals, labelled the balding pensioner a “selfish t**t” and highlighted the fact that he deliberately starts the mowers outside her bedroom window in the early hours. “Just because he can’t sleep, he doesn’t want anybody else too either” she complained.
Another local inhabitant points to the fact that the disturbances aren’t just in the morning. On Tuesday he was kept awake into the late hours by raucous shouting from the pavilion. “It was definitely him, I heard him continually shouting” claimed the gentlemen, another who asked for his identity to be withheld because he feared revenge tactics would be employed. He alleges that Everett’s booming alcohol-laden voice could be clearly picked out hollering “five nines”, “four queens” and similarly bewildering exclamations.
Perry and Percy Pig are two others constantly awakened by Everett starting the heavy roller in the small hours. “He doesn’t care about anybody else” grunted Perry, whilst twin brother Percy snorted,“he really is the neighbour from hell you know”.
The generously proportioned financial guru even disturbs the sleep of others miles away from the ground. Yesterday, he had the temerity to contact a club member at 0845h, shouting down the telephone “get up you lazy fat b***ard!”.
However, Abberton’s Head of Secret Police John Stockbridge (68) reckons that a mountain is being made out of a molehill over the claims. Last night he said that residents were over-reacting and that Everett was a bastion of society and a pillar of the community. However, his voice was slurred and so the adjectives could have been slightly misheard.
If found guilty of the offence, Everett could face a custodial sentence of up to five years. In a typically contemptuous statement to the website, he refuted the suggestion that he would be visiting Poundland over the weekend to purchase a ‘hoodie’.
