THIEVES LEAVE POOL PLAYER SNOOKERED [23/07/07 07:15:28]

The escalating spate of organised crime at The Brow continued this weekend with the harrowing disappearance of the white pool ball (see right during a recent tournament) during Saturday's match with Harwich.

Angry Sunday lunchtime regulars were faced with actually having to speak to each other instead of indulging in their passion after a person (or persons) unknown removed the said item from the pool table between the hours of 3.00pm and 6.30p.m. the previous day.

The club's Head of Secret Police John Stockbridge (68) was immediately contacted but he complained that his resources were severely stretched by an ongoing investigation into the continual fouling of the playing area by neighbourhood cats. His forensic team have been busily carrying out DNA tests on the latest deposits and early indications suggest a ginger tom is the culprit.

Disaster was averted by Barry Rudlin who acquired a replacement ball in very quick time to apease what was becoming a very unruly mob. One player who asked not to be identified for fear of reprisals said, "This is getting to be a joke. Our security is dreadful. We need a new guy in charge".

Rudlin later hinted that, following his impending redundancy from a local retail giant, he was considering applying for the post when the Commitee reviewed the whole issue of security later in the year.