NEW TICKETING SYSTEM FOR BAR [03/07/07 05:02:40]

It has been revealed that the club is planning to introduce a ticketing system to combat the queues that form at certain times in the bar, most notably on Thursday evenings when the 'Blossom Hill Brigade' descend upon the premises.

The simple procedure, which has worked well at supermarket delicatessen counters all over the country for a number of years, will be installed in the next fortnight and is welcomed by the club's Head of Secret Police John Stockbridge who, surprisingly, was available for comment. "The situation is a f***ing joke, you can't get a f***ing drink because all of those f***ing women are in the way."

He hoped that there would be a 'VIP stream' which would effectively allow important and senior members such as himself to queue jump. He added, "I haven't got time to f***ing wait around so I am going to have a supply of tickets prtinted with the number one on. Then I can go to the head of the queue whenever I arrive. I am not silly!".

Committee members were last night considering ways in which they could counter ticket fraud so that the system would be fair to all customers.