MAN EVICTED FOR SMOKING [01/07/07 20:11:00]

Club officials acted quickly today to enforce the new smokefree laws when a scruffily-dressed intruder entered the pavilion complete with a lighted cigarette.

Fixture Secretary Steve Whitfield manfully used 'reasonable force' to evict the individual who bore more than a striking resemblance to ADCC Head of Secret Police John Stockbridge.

Unlike the much-criticised security supremo, Whitfield was only to keen to grant the website an in-depth interview. However, his offer was politely declined as the thought of him struggling with some of the long words necessary was just too much for the administrative staff to contemplate.

As a result of his actions, one local bookmaker installed Whitfield at 8/1 in the betting for Stockbridge's replacement at Abberton. The new show is: 11/4 Big Lil (Paul Welton's bitch), 9/2 John Everett, 11/2 John Ward, 8/1 Stuart Pearce, Sven-Goran Eriksson, Steve Whitfield, 12/1 Patience Pig (the mother of Perry and Percy), 14/1 Tony Blair, 25/1 Cherie Blair, Liam Everett, Marian Ward, Percy Pig 33/1 Bar.