ARSON FEARS AT THE BROW [28/06/07 03:52:09]

Fear gripped the club last night when it appeared that an arsonist may have been at large following the mysterious cremation of Damian Kandiah's boxer shorts (seen right in happier times). This followed the abandoned game with Weeley Nomads in which the promising youngster hit a quickfire 20 not out.

Kandiah was inconsolable in the clubhouse after his item of underwear, which he claimed that he had not changed for seven weeks, was reduced to ashes.

Not suprisingly, the club's Head of Secret Police John Stockbridge was reluctant to involve himself and said, "f*** off, I am watching the tennis" when contacted by alarmed and distressed members.

Witnesses were in a state of shock towards closing time and had needed several large drinks to overcome their horror at the experience.

Later, it was felt that the boxer shorts succumbed to the phenomena known as 'spontaneous combustion' and it is hoped that forensic tests this morning will reveal the truth.