PLAYGROUP PLANS UNVEILED [22/06/07 06:30:57]

Plans were unveiled today for a Playgroup to be held at the ground on Thursday evenings during the Colts practice sessions. This will enable parents to wander off around the ground and/or drink themselves into oblivion, safe in the knowledge that their young ones are being well looked after.

'Uncle John' Everett (seen right) will supervise the sessions and he is looking forward to his new role with much relish, feeling that he has gained valuable experience looking after his own grandsons.

One mother (who asked not to be named as she slurred her way through a third bottle of Blossom Hill) was delighted with the new initiative. She said, "John is so right for the position, he is absolutely wonderful with the kids and they idolise him". Another parent said, "I would leave my children with him every day, he is so natural with them and I do not believe any of this stuff that he is the only gay in the village. I know of at least two others".

Head of Secret Police John Stockbridge was sadly unavailable for comment although he is thought to be totally against the idea and has not offered to make cakes for the children and serve them soft drinks.