HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN? [27/05/07 07:28:09]

Club officials are anxious to hear from anybody who may have seen the man pictured right in or around the grounds and especially on Friday evening at the time of Percy Pig's disappearance. All reported sitings will be investigated and informants can be assured of complete anonymity.

The picture was gleaned from footage found on the the club's CCTV recordings and, although the individual concerned was presumably very close to the camera when captured on film, he does possess striking and memorable features.

With the Head of Secret Police sidelined on the important issue of match fee irregularites and, of course, unavailable for comment, it is hoped that the picture will jog memories and a quick arrest may be forthcoming.

We would also like to talk to another man in connection with Percy's abduction. He was seen in the vicinity at the time. He is described as being of above average height, medium build, quite ugly in appearance with short dark hair. His distinguishng features are skinny legs, a very silly little beard and the fact that he speaks with a ridiculous foreign accent.