MYSTERIOUS ARRIVAL OF DEAD SEAGULL [14/05/07 21:36:35]

Concerned members were tonight coming to terms with the mysterious appearance of a dead seagull (pictured right) in the outfield. Although not moving any slower than some of our players, a close inspection of the unfortunate bird by resident 'vet' Paul Welton revealed that it had indeed expired. Rumours that it had been felled by John Ward's nose when he was gazing skywards were quickly quashed as he has not been seen at the ground for some considerable time. Quite inexplicably, the club's Head of Secret Police, John Stockbridge, was yet again unavailable for comment and his continuing tenure of such an important position was questioned.